Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Oh yeah, I have a life outside of "Bones."

As much as I love, love, love the show and hated, hated, hated the season finale, I actually have things going on besides "Bones" that I'll be writing about here.

*I'm writing a screenplay that involves seeing friends from 10 years ago and how it affects current friends, and also journalistic hijinx. I'm developing it in a class through the People's Improv Theater taught by former member of "The State" Michael Showalter. Hopefully I will finish it, hopefully it will be sold, hopefully it will be made. I also want to write a play about workplace quirks, but that is just an idea in my head at the moment. But I do want one explosion and a lot of screaming.

*I will be acting in a show created by my best buddy called "PB&J," which will also feature said best buddy and Room 28's Jaime Fernandez, with whom I have been lucky to perform on stage. I've been told I'm wanted back for another show, so I'll keep you posted on that too (they stream their shows online, so anyone can watch).

*It's unlikely that I'll write about "Bones" on Huffington Post again until the next season starts in late August, but I'm sure something will prompt me to write for the site again. (And those of you who are iffy about the political content, I'm not really writing for that scene anymore. It's depressing. At least it is at the moment. Rest assured, my Entertainment posts are completely non-political.)

*Hopefully, I'll get some of my own sketch comedy made soon. I have a bunch of ideas in my head that may or may not be funny, so we'll see.

*And I'm taking acting classes starting next month. I decided to pursue this again because I wanted to find out if I'm really any good. If I am, great! If I'm not, at least I'll know! I'm psyched either way.

If I do something that gets picked up by other blogs, that will also go on here.

Be on the lookout!

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Monday, May 26, 2008

"I'll never let go, Zack! I'll never let go!"

Okay, eventually I will. I just couldn't resist a really corny "Titanic" reference.

Just published a new HuffPo, as promised, about why we lose our best TV characters and why it feels like Hart Hanson shot my puppy.

And, to lighten the mood a bit, I've written a short sketch that can be read after the jump about what could have really happened to Gormagon's skeleton in the "Bones" finale.

"A Scene We'll Never See" starring Zack Addy and Naomi from the Paleontology Department

A phone rings. ZACK answers.

ZACK: Hello?

NAOMI: Hi, Zack. It's Naomi from the paleontology department.

ZACK: Um...hi. How are you?

NAOMI: You know, it's going, it's going. What what about you? How are things?

ZACK: Well, I don't know if you heard, but I confessed to being Gormagon's apprentice. And also killing a lobbyist.

NAOMI: I did hear, actually. What a bummer. And totally out of character for you!

ZACK: I know! I must have had some seriously unresolved issues.

NAOMI: I heard it had something to do with logic, but we've all seen you, Zack. You don't even like to kill your flesh-eating bugs.

ZACK: Right? They have names!

NAOMI: And word around here is that you punch like a nun puppet. Hodgins saw us all when we were outside smoking once and told us.

ZACK: Really? I didn't know word spread like that at the Jeffersonian.

NAOMI: Come on, Zack. The Jeffersonian is home to the biggest yentas of all!

ZACK: Very true. Anyway, why are you calling now? It's been three years since we slept together and one since you forgot to be the front end of my cow costume. What gives?

NAOMI: Well, to be honest Zack, I was just really wrapped up in going out with other people besides you. But now, I feel kinda bad that I've ignored you this whole time and I just wanted to say "hi." And that I'm thinking of you.

ZACK: Well, that's really nice of you.

NAOMI: So, do your hands work yet?

ZACK: No. I kind of blew them up. It could be a while. Stupid move. I should have just killed myself. (catches himself) Oh, damnit.

NAOMI: What?

ZACK: They generally don't like to hear mental patients say stuff like that.

NAOMI: Well, you wouldn't have ended up hand-less.

ZACK: I know.

NAOMI: And we're really expendable anyway.

[Zack pauses. How would Naomi know about that?]

ZACK: We? Are expendable?

NAOMI: Yes, Zack. We are. The apprentices.

ZACK: Naomi?

NAOMI: I've been madly in love with you, Zack, but I was afraid. Afraid, I tell you! I didn't know how to reach that big freaking brain of yours!

ZACK: So you joined Gormagon?


ZACK: For me?


ZACK: I'm both flattered and horrified. And confused. Why not coffee? Soda pop? Returning my phone calls?

NAOMI: I didn't think it would get your attention.

ZACK: But Naomi, you ignored me the whole time I worked at the Jeffersonian!

NAOMI: I was playing hard to get!

ZACK: So you figured you could get my attention by joining Gormagon?

NAOMI: I figured it was something we had in common.

ZACK: What, exactly? The logical argument to preserve the historical human experience?


ZACK (ew): The cannibalism?

NAOMI: Oh, wait. Are you not a cannibal?


NAOMI: Ohhhhhhh...


ZACK: So, I guess you were the one who sabotaged the cameras while I blew myself up?

NAOMI: Guilty as charged. And stole the skeleton from the vault.

ZACK: Well, at least that can be explained.

NAOMI: Yeah, the Master got a serious case of food poisoning from eating Nick.

ZACK: Holy shit, he ate Nick, the other apprentice?

NAOMI: Yeah. He was pissed.

ZACK: I knew he hated him, Talk about expendable.

NAOMI: Poor Nick.

ZACK: Poor Nick.

NAOMI: Anyway, I was just kind of checking in, wanted to tell you how I felt about you.

ZACK: Well, I appreciate that. Though I wish you'd said something before joining a cannibalistic cult just to get me to notice you.

NAOMI: Oh, I'm just shy. I would have loved to get together for some human being tartare, but I guess that's just not your thing, huh?

ZACK: I'm actually a strict vegan these days. Aside from the antipsychotics and sleeping pills to help me handle all my completely unresolved issues.

NAOMI: I understand. Well, talk soon?

ZACK: I might kill myself instead.

NAOMI: Oh, okay then! Bye, Zack.

ZACK: Bye, Naomi.

And that's what happened!

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Sunday, May 25, 2008

Big, long, windbagger of a post about "Bones," which includes - wait for it - fan-fic.

Not since I was 17 years old have I written fan-fic. (For the "Scream" movies. I ended up meeting one of my very best friends, so it wasn't a totally nerdy experience.) But I was so fucked up after the "Bones" finale that I felt totally compelled to write down exactly what I thought happened to Zack Addy and what I think should happen on "Bones" next season to explain it all. (Not explain it all away, since what's done is done.) I posted this on MySpace, reached a catharsis, and will now let the healing begin just as soon as people stop making fun of me for writing a fan-fic. (Not that kind of fan-fic.)

The nerdiness ensues after the jump, and be on the lookout for a new HuffPo on why good shows kill their best characters.

So, I had to write about why I'm so abnormally screwed up by the season finale of "Bones." I have not been this rocked by fictional characters since Randy died in "Scream 2," the death scene of whom I have still - after over 10 years - not watched. But "Bones" was just...ugh, my week was a blur.

So, what happened? It was revealed - inexplicably - that Zack Addy (played by Eric Millegan), the socially-deficient, astronomically intelligent, downright adorable former assistant to Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan (Emily Deschanel) and forensic anthropologist was the apprentice to a cannibalistic serial killer named Gormagon. Apparently, Zack the logic junkie was so easily swayed by the premise that preserving the human race as a whole justified the killing (and human consumption) of those involved in secret societies, which are detrimental to the human race, but also that the historical human experience as a whole was more important than a single person's life. Zack's logic was found to be flawed when Bones told him he went against the last point when he spared his best friend, Dr. Jack Hodgins (TJ Thyne), in the explosion he set up as a diversion for the real killer (or someone else?) to steal evidence from the lab.

And as I typed this, after rewatching the episode, this time not through tears and gut-wrenching anticipation, I realized how shoddy and loosely thrown together this concept was on the writers' part. I'm disappointed.

I'm going to be writing my third "Bones"-themed piece for Huffington Post on why shows make the creative decisions to get rid of the most beloved characters on TV. From a storytelling perspective, it makes sense - to be compelling, a storyteller must, from time to time, raise the stakes. That means something has to happen to someone. Could be good, bad, or anything in between, but it has to be something, and, at least once, it has to be something BIG. The characters on "Bones" had certainly had their ups and downs, whether it was Bones finding out about her family, Booth's son being threatened by a different serial killer, Angela's old boyfriend being killed, Hodgins and Bones nearly becoming victims of a yet another serial killer or Zack being deployed to Iraq in a scientific/medical capacity. Good things have happened too: Angela and Hodgins grew together in one of the most beautifully and naturally formed office romances on TV, Bones and Booth got to go undercover, Zack got his doctorate and earned his spot at the Jeffersonian.

But going back through the show, there were no signs that Zack would be so easily swayed by such a far-out serial killer, at least not enough to kill another person himself, which is what he confessed to doing. Sure, Zack could be characterized as "kooky." He most likely had Asperger's, which caused him to be less apt to be social and emotional and even come across as a little bit chilly.

As for his physical and emotional ability to commit murder? In season one, he didn't want to kill the bugs used to eat flesh off of bones because "they have names." In season two, he punched Hodgins with all the force of a nun puppet, but beforehand said he "never saw the logic" of violence. The punch "seemed to be the most practical way to get [Hodgins] to stop talking and get back to work. But [Zack] didn’t realize how much it would hurt." And, in another season two episode, the last time Zack was blown up, he stated that he "hate[d] this part" - when it was necessary to saw into a human head. Not a skull that had been decayed, a human head with flesh, brains, hair...a face.
This, from a guy who we are expected to believe bought the logical argument that stabbing a member of a secret society and cutting out his heart was justified. Have we ever seen Zack stab anything? Yes - in season two, all the "squints" take turns stabbing a dummy. And Zack stabs like my grandmother. He also stabbed a melon in the beginning of this season to determine what kind of knife was used as a murder weapon. This time, he's not quite as reluctant, having not waited for Hodgins to prepare something else, and claims that going to Iraq made him a "man of action." Maybe a hint? Could be, since the writers knew they'd be wrapping up Gormagon this season and were leaving anyone open to being a suspect. But the decision had not been made yet, and stabbing a piece of fruit for the purpose of obtaining a mold for a murder weapon is not the same thing as cutting out someone's heart. Besides, if anything, Zack would look at this in a purely scientific manner - he is not meant to be simulating a murder, he is trying to get an accurate mold.

And as for logic? He's been asked about it before, by an authority figure in the first season. Besides not seeing the logic in violence, here is an exchange with a State Department Agent:

Pickering: Hypothetically, you have a piece of information.
Zack: Secret and meaningful information?
Pickering: Yes. And the security of the country at stake. Could I bribe you to
give it to me?
Zack: No.
Pickering: Threaten you?
Zack: No.
Pickering: What if I made a reasonable, rational argument? Very persuasive.
Zack: Merely persuasive?
Pickering: Irrefutable. I make an irrefutable argument as to why you should give me this piece of information. Would you do so?
Zack: Not without checking with Dr. Brennan or Angela first. See what they said. Maybe Agent Booth if he talked to me. He probably wouldn't. I'd check with Dr. Hodgins, but he'd say it was all part of some conspiracy so I mostly only take his advice on women.

He gave her sass. Rebuffed. And with whom did he confer about Gormagon's "irrefutable" argument?

Now, the discussion on the boards is that all of the so-called "evidence" that Zack must have been forced into confessing, or must be lying, or couldn't kill someone came from the time before he was sent to Iraq. It was clear from the moment he stepped back into the Jeffersonian in the middle of the first episode of the season that something happened to him. Zack's entire demeanor was different. To me, he looked traumatized. While he may not have been a soldier in combat, there are plenty of cases of PTSD - post-traumatic stress disorder - in those who have been in Iraq but served in non-combat roles. Zack is clearly a victim. (And, if you can consider the fact that some medical professionals specializing in PTSD want to have it classified as an injury and not a mental defect, implying that a victim was mentally or emotionally vulnerable going into a situation before a traumatic event, nothing that happened prior to Zack's deployment would be taken into account when analyzing his post-Iraq actions and condition.)

So, here is my theory:

Zack was exposed to something in Iraq that instilled in him the theory that human life is expendable. As someone who has built his career on identifying the remains of the dead and abandoned, he has always felt this to be untrue. Why would he take the position of identifying remains for the sole purpose of solving their murder and returning whatever was left of them to their families if he thought human life was expendable? But the soldiers he meets and his fellow scientists and doctors have seen thousands of dead bodies and have become numb to the sight of them. The remains they've been identifying are that of innocents - entire familes, children bombed in school, men and women in marketplaces and mosques. Maybe this happens: Zack, while being escorted to one site, sees an explosion and witnesses people who were walking around just seconds before dying, blown up, parts of them scattered all over. A soldier remarks, "Don't worry. You'll probably see them again soon."

This kind of exposure everyday for weeks causes him to withdraw and slip up in his work. He wonders if his work serves any purpose anymore, if he even serves any sort of purpose anymore. If he could, wouldn't the better option be to prevent the deaths of innocents? But Zack knows he can't offer that - his gift is his intellect. But his intellect isn't saving lives, and his intellect can no longer humanize his victims. There are too many, and they're starting to become all the same. His skills are becoming useless - expendable. And he can't even do his best work anymore, so he is becoming useless - expendable.

He is asked to see a shrink, who diagnoses him with PTSD and he is evacuated. Worried that such a diagnosis will put a stigma on him at the Jeffersonian, he lies about it upon his return, saying he "failed to assimilate." He knows that everyone else knows that's true, and no questions will be asked. But upon seeing a possible replacement for him, he's reminded again - he's expendable.

Weeks go by, but he's only happy at work, with his other family. He's happy less and less, and truly starts to wonder if he has a place in the world anymore. Every case he picks up, he remembers how many people are killed in a day at home and over there. Even his closest friends have been in situations in which they were close to death. He might as well be one of them. He's starting to quietly self-destruct.

Fast forward to three months before his confession: Zack meets a charismatic figure, Gormagon, who takes an interest in his previously ignored intellect, and talks about preserving the entire human race by killing those who seeks to undermine it. He can become an apprentice who helps him achieve this. He has several apprentices at a time, and they come and go - they're expendable. Zack receives his affirmation. If he joins this cause, it justifies what he has convinced himself of since seeing the horrors of war - he is expendable. But the human race will go on.

So, he joins up with Gormagon, feeling as if he's found a safe place that has validated his feelings. Some of it is uncomfortable - the cannibalism - but the cause overshadows the benediction he's received and the logic backing it up. He follows what Gormagon says, but can't bring himself to commit murder. Another apprentice, a teenage boy, kills the lobbyist himself and allows Zack to take care of the remains for Gormagon. The teenage boy ends up trying to trump Gormagon's authority, so Gormagon kills him and probably eats him. (No reason to try to extend that storyline.)

Imagine that dialogue though:

BOOTH: Where is this guy Zack?

ZACK: Ummm...

BOOTH: We need to find him.

ZACK: You're not going to.


Why would Zack lie? While he was confessing, he was still probably on painkillers, and maybe if we accept that he'd been brainwashed, he'd convinced himself that he'd done it. Or maybe Gormagon told him to claim responsibility.

After a while, Zack reaches a breaking point. He starts to feel like there isn't any further he could go with Gormagon, and he's been a part of so much terror that killing himself is justifiable. Who wouldn't deserve to die after what he's been a part of? Besides, sparing one life doesn't threaten the human experience as a whole - he's expendable. It's time to start coming clean, but only if he won't have to face the people he loves, the people he knows this would hurt deeply. That knowledge depresses him more, and he starts preparing his end. He gets his opportunity when Gormagon wants the silver skeleton back.

He sends the lobbyist's jawbone to the lab himself to start setting up the explosion, knowing Hodgins will test the water in which it was boiled and find out it came from his apartment.

He knows the explosion will put Hodgins in harm's way, so he tries to design the explosion to affect only himself, actually expecting to kill himself in the blast and not merely cause injury.

He knows Brennan will examine the jawbone herself and find out about the teeth he pulled from the skulls in the Jeffersonian's "limbo" room. Two episodes earlier, he realized that others had access to all prior evidence when he saw Clark Edison examining a skull he'd worked on.

Zack says he was planning on sneaking out of the hospital once everyone left, but they wouldn't leave him by himself. I would say it would be to finish the job he started in the lab, to avoid facing them all, and not to rejoin Gormagon.

I have two theories on why he didn't accept painkillers. Either he felt he deserved to feel pain, knowing what he'd done and what they would find out. Or, Zack, being Zack, didn't like feeling detached from his own mind. He said the morphine "dulled [his] intellect." Or, perhaps, the fear of polka dots.

And finally, he sees how much he is cared for and how much his actions will hurt the people he loves, and Bones finally makes him see how his logic was wrong all along. She tells him that he's wrong - if logic said that the life of one single person didn't matter, then he would not have spared the life of someone who considered him to be an invaluable part of his life. And if someone existed who found him to be an invaluable part of his life, then he wasn't what he thought he was all along - expendable.

The one solid element that kept him convinced he wasn't worth anything was disproven by the one person whose opinion he valued the most - Dr. Brennan, who also found him invaluable.

So, that's how we can think of Zack Addy now. That's what I'm going to think. I think it makes a lot of sense. Maybe I took some poetic justice, but not nearly as much as the "Bones" writers did when they made Zack a serial killer's apprentice and a murderer himself.

A lof of us Zack Addy/Eric Millegan fans are seriously going through a mourning process over this character, and he isn't even dead. But going by the Kubler-Ross model of the seven stages of grief:

  1. Denial: No way Zack is the apprentice/killer!
  2. Anger: I hate Hart Hanson - he kills puppies and laughs.
  3. Bargaining: Um, see my unnecessarily long theory/"fan-fic" above and below.
  4. Depression: I'm never watching "Bones" again.
  5. Acceptance: I really want to see David Boreanaz naked with a beer hat again.
It's odd, but if I'm crazy, then so are Matt Roush and countless other critics who probably share my sentiment that Eric Millegan was the biggest casualty of the writers' strike.

How can we resolve this by doing Zack and Eric Millegan justice? Here's my overly long theory in (lordy, let the mocking begin) fan-fic form:

Hodgins cannot believe that Zack could have killed someone. It has been the one thing he has not been able to accept, even moreso than the involvement with Gormagon. And, still feeling guilty about exposing Zack to the secret society/conspiracy stuff, feels he owes him something. Hodgins has Caroline Julian send Zack's confession (which we never heard) to a forensic linguist, a profession that does with words what the "Bones" crew does with remains.

I'd like to picture her as someone who looks and acts vaguely like Bones, who we would later find out is the daughter of one of the three aunts her father (Ryan O'Neal) mentioned at one point, which would send Zack and Hodgins on a mission to get DNA from her to match it with up with Bones. A fun and undepressing way for Bones to uncover more about her family! Maybe in another episode. And the woman's name would be Dr. Molly McInerney. She has doctorates in linguistics and criminal psychology, and also got a juris doctorate for fun. And she is convinced that Gormagon is the evil guy from the Smurfs.

Anyway, Dr. McInerney gets this folder on her desk at about 10:00 at night, right before leaving. She doesn't want to, but it's in her nature to read what's on her desk upon her discovery. Prima facie, it's grossing her out. But then:

MOLLY: No, you didn't.

NANCY (her assistant): Didn't what?

MOLLY: This person is lying.

NANCY: About what? A murder?


NANCY: Lying about not killing someone?

MOLLY: Lying about killing someone.

NANCY: So, it looks like we're going to be getting someone out of prison tomorrow? I'll clear your schedule...

MOLLY: No, he still did some pretty heinous stuff. He's in a psych ward. But not murder. No way. The language doesn't support it at all. I want this person's files, everything you can get me, on my desk before I get here tomorrow. I want to know why he lied about killing someone.

NANCY: What's his name?

MOLLY: Zachary Addy.

Yay! The proverbial ball is rolling. Molly goes over the files and learns more about Zack, finds out he went to Iraq and instantly considers PTSD. Also turns out that she and Hodgins went to college together and slept with each other three times before getting sick of each other. She heads over to the Jeffersonian to see him. Angela (who, according to the spoilers, is no longer with Hodgins past the beginning of the season - booooooo!) sees a strange woman walking around with Hodgins, as well as Cam and Bones. (Obviously, this is a sub-plot.) Cam agrees with Angela that it's pretty uncouth of Hodgins to bring a potential date to work when Angela is clearly still smarting from their breakup. Bones says their relationship is over, why wouldn't he date someone else? Thanks, Bones.

Molly and Hodgins are talking in a private office about Zack. It's clear that Hodgins has been a wreck over this, has visited Zack a few times, and knows he's not doing well, but he doesn't know why. But, as those scary sides said, he feels responsible for all of this happening. Molly agrees to go visit Zack and try to give Hodgins answers, but wants to talk to Bones too.

This meeting eventually happens, but again, Angela sees it from a distance and has no idea what's going on. She and Cam watch Molly and Bones speak politely, then sees Bones get a troubled look on her face and invite Molly into her office. Ugh, that bitch!

Bones later brings up PTSD with Booth, who acknowledges it as a legitimately crippling condition, talking about what it feels like to be a sniper and tells one story of a guy he knew who killed his twin brother, girlfriend and himself. Bones knows this means that even if it explained Zack's actions, he would still be forever scarred and would never work in his field again. Booth says he should have known Zack might have been susceptible and later wonders if he should have noticed the signs. Bones assures him that in someone like Zack, it wouldn't have been obvious.

Molly goes to visit Zack, who wants to reject her psychology. He has reconciled his failed logic and feels he was let off easy and accepts his fate. Molly forces him to talk about what he saw, but notices how detached he is emotionally. She cuts right to the chase:

MOLLY: Zack, how long have you wanted to kill yourself?

ZACK: Is this what you deduced from my confession?

MOLLY: Why does that matter?

ZACK: Because I've worked with someone who does with human remains what you do with words and she does not speculate on her evidence. And she taught me to do the same.

MOLLY: Maybe it's what I've deduced from your words as well as the words of those with whom you've worked very closely.

ZACK: So, you're basing my mental state on words I said while I was on morphine and admitting criminal acts to people who have a biased opinion of me, and the words of those very people?

MOLLY: These people know you extremely well.

ZACK: But they're not me. The difference between what you do and what my aforementioned former co-worker -

MOLLY: Dr. Brennan?

ZACK: Yes. The difference is that my aforementioned former co-worker doesn't claim to know what the subject she is studying was thinking because she does not have access to that information.

MOLLY: So, there's no way I can tell what's going on in your head because it's not my head.

ZACK: Yes.

MOLLY: What if I told you that as a forensic psychologist who specializes in linguistics it's my job to take my evidence and apply it to behavior reported by others who have observed my subjects?

ZACK: I'd say that you're ruining the purity of your evidence. You're tainting your evidence with conjecture.

MOLLY: And I'd say your logic in justifying murder was tainted by your extreme emotional state, rendering it flawed, and rendering you a victim of your own doing.

ZACK: I think what people usually say in situations like is is "touche."

MOLLY: That's accurate. Have you tried to kill yourself lately?

ZACK: What evidence do you have that I might be suicidal?

MOLLY: The actions that you described in your confession are all self-destructive. Including your lie about murdering the lobbyist.

ZACK: You can tell that I lied?

MOLLY: I knew you lied as soon as I read it.

ZACK: How?

MOLLY: Everything else you described was as if you did it, because you did. You didn't describe killing anyone. You described seeing someone being stabbed in the heart by someone else but as a scientist, you know what it would be like. Your language went from first person to third. Obviously not in a way someone without three doctorates could recognize, but this is what I get paid the big bucks for.

ZACK: Three doctorates?

MOLLY: Yes. How many do you have?

ZACK: One. And a half.

MOLLY: I see.

ZACK: In what?

MOLLY: Forensic psychology, linguistics and a juris doctorate. But that last one was mostly for fun. And a guy.

ZACK: So, you are well-versed in dissecting the written and spoken word and using that evidence to support psychological speculation.


ZACK: Then what is your conclusion? Besides my wanting to kill myself?

MOLLY: You have Asperger's Syndrome and post-traumatic stress disorder. The first one you obviously knew about, but you've been showing symptoms of the latter since you returned from Iraq. According to your confession and your friends.

ZACK: Suicidal thoughts are symptomatic of PTSD.


ZACK: Then why did we have this conversation if you knew the answer to your own question?

MOLLY: Because I want you to say it.

ZACK: I want to kill myself.

MOLLY: You know what I mean, Zack.

ZACK: And you know I have Asperger's and there's only one way for me to say it.

MOLLY: I want you to tell me why. I have a feeling you have never told anyone what you've been thinking about, and if you have not shared this information with anyone else, then you have not heard anything to make you consider that you might be wrong.

ZACK: But I'm not wrong about wanting to kill myself. I actually do.


ZACK: I'm expendable.

MOLLY: This is what you learned in Iraq.

ZACK: Yes.

MOLLY: Talk to me about Iraq.

(See theory above, I won't type it all again.)

MOLLY: Zack, do you realize that we're trying to get PTSD classified as a combat injury as opposed to a mental defect?

ZACK: Implying that there's a possible recovery?

MOLLY: Exactly. There's a chance that you won't spend a very long time here. You'll be able to go home and live your life again.

ZACK: No, I won't. No one will ever want me working with them knowing what I've done. And I'll never be trusted by anyone at the Jeffersonian. My work was my life, and it's over.

Molly reports back to Hodgins and tells him he could be released if he responds to treatment, but not while he is a danger to himself, which he clearly is.

So, that's a real downer, but at least he won't be a psycho.

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Monday, May 19, 2008

My "violent" reactions, in semi-real time.

So, I may have a bit more of an audience than I thought, thanks to those of you kind enough to follow the link to my humble digital abode. Thanks bunches, and I hope I don't disappoint!

7:54 PM: Watching the end of "Hardball" on MSNBC. I realized last week why I love the squints on "Bones" so much, especially Zack. Since I was eight years old, I have harbored a massive crush on Egon Spengler from "Ghostbusters," to say nothing of my love for Peter Venkman, Ray Stanz and Winston Zedmore. But I've definitely come to the conclusion that Zack Addy is the second coming of Egon Spengler. Jack Hodgins is the second coming of Peter Venkman. That is why I love them.

That said, I am totally calling Zack as Gormagon's apprentice based on what Hart Hanson says in this.

8:01: Angela's making me weepy, but this is the most unsuspenseful non-death ever. Oh, and who's manly jaw is that?Whoooo! Funniest funeral ever!

8:04: I'd really like to drop-kick Sweets. Off to a rousing start, and I really enjoyed seeing Bones deck Booth for making her worry so darn much. Does this mean I get to do the same thing to Eric Millegan? Wow, didn't realize how ornery I was. Maybe still so from the jackhammer-sized woodpecker pounding away on my gutter at 6:30 yesterday morning when I already had a huuuuuge headache? Maybe so, maybe so...

8:10: Wow, Booth in a tub, with a beer helmet and a cigar. And she's still mad! I am also refreshed by his lack of modesty. And oh, please and thank you, another Hodgins-Addy experiment, but I think this is when Zack gets blown up again...bad. Aww, they are both so cute.

8:14: Holy crap!Are his hands freaking GONE??

8:16: That is incredibly upsetting, and there are so many things to read into...why was he really so insistent about the order in which he was handed those things? Damnit. He totally did that on purpose. By the way, how have we gone three years without someone singing "Addy are you okay/Are you okay Addy" to the tune of "Smooth Criminal"? Maybe we never had a reason until now. "Addy are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay Addy?"

8:22: Yeah, bust his chops, Hodgins. Bust his chops, Booth! Hmmm - are they playing up sympathy towards Zack and away from Sweets for a reason? Would Zack really cripple himself and risk his career to support Gormagon though?

8:26: Booth is going pie-less. And Sweets has a profile? And Dr. Hodgins is Gormagon, huh? And Cam thinks it's Sweets. This is getting to be as fun and wild as the IMDB and Fox boards! But who are they not suspecting? The one who 'sploded. Because he's hurt, and they love him. I'll tell you, there's just too much speculation that Zack is involved that it just wouldn't be a shock if I was right about him being the apprentice. Boooooo, Hart Hanson! Boooooo! (No hard feelings though.)

8:35: That's it - Zack lives in the apartment above Hodgins' garage. That's where the jaw was boiled. This Sweets thing is bogus.

8:37: Everyone is scared of everyone! And again, "something we would do" to bones? Who is Zack? One of us! My question is "how and why"? But I guess we'll find out in 21 minutes. 8:39.

8:47: Oh, my god. I really, really wish this wasn't happening. We know Zack's not Gormagon, but he totally had access to those teeth. There are 13 minutes left and this could somehow turn around, and I have to think that this can't be as simple as it looks. No way we could have this solved this soon before the ending. Maybe I'm wrong...and who the fuck is texting me during "Bones"???

9:04: Well, I'm fucking devastated. I really, really did not want to believe that could happen, and I really didn't want to be Queen of the Lab on this one. But I hand it to Eric Millegan - I didn't think I would ever cry over someone confessing to helping a serial killer, killing someone himself, covering it up, betraying his friends, and I was sitting here damn near sobbing. Can he please be reverse-brainwashed? Please?

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Live-blogging the "Bones" season finale tonight for my audience of two.

Holy crap, the wait is finally almost over.

Here's the deal: During the month of March, I was unemployed and addicted to crack/MSNBC. I traded that crack when the primaries were giving me really bad trips for heroin/"Bones" and fell deeply in love with the show, just in time to start reading spoilers that would cause me great distress.

Well, not distress as much as anticipatory anxiety, but in a fun way and not the way that it used to cause me to avoid eating due to the fear of possibly vomiting.

No, I'm exhilaratingly excited about tonight's episode and will be live-blogging, because I know I have a very faithful audience of no people at all. In the meantime, I also posted a new Huffington Post article about spoilers, for which Eric Millegan was kind enough to go on the record.

HuffPo: **SPOILING** the Fun of Finale Season

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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Please read my previous post first and die happy.

Another from MySpace's Greatest Hits:

November 3, 2007

I am on a spiritual journey. I may do things that may be shocking and painful. Today, I googled myself.

The usual Slack Pack stuff came up, which I expected. I also expected to see some past blog posts and articles come up. The last time I did this, I found out that an article I wrote about Lindsay Lohan and Natalie Portman was translated entirely into German and put on a Natalie Portman fan site. As someone with a lot of German in them, I found this rather cool. Hey, international, bro!

But then the surprising stuff:

I am a "celebrity."

I can be seen in bed with a strange man because he had a beer that I wouldn't drink if I was waterboarded with it.

My Keith Olbermann blogs are picked up constantly. (Probably because of Keith Olbermann and not me, but still.)

I found out that my one meeting with the NY Democratic Lawyers Council, which was a failed attempt to find hot Democratic lawyers, resulted in a membership.

Someone out there thinks I'm a "rising talent" based on my FishbowlNY articles and my two Black Table appearances. Maybe I am. But I am definitely over the serial comma.

This discovery comes at the end of a kickass media week; I not only published my first political article in Newsday, but I also scored my buddies three Halloween radio spots to promote their movie Lost Suburbia. Okay, two radio spots and then I hijacked a WNYC radio show the same morning during a call-in segment and plugged the movie. But it got out there! It's the first time I've launched a publicity campaign for them that has actually yielded a result! Yay!

So google yourself. You might be marginally famous.

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I have been waiting all day for this.

The local NBC affiliate's anchor Sue Simmons totally fucking cursed on the air during a Monday night tease.

Don't apologize, Sue Simmons!

Fine. Be that way, pushover.

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Monday, May 12, 2008

"The other girls and I referred to her as 'rad.'"

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Well, this week's episode of "Bones" is fun despite someone "getting hurt" if you've been reading spoilers. This week's episode, "The Wannabe in the Weeds," featured two former "American Idol" contestants, one of whom is murdered, which I thought would get people flocking like mad to this one. But apparently, Fox doesn't seem to advertise this show as much as it does other shows. Someone should really do something about that.

My thoughts on this one, a very good one, after the jump.

*I really appreciate Ace Young.
*I can't believe that Red Herring #1 killed "Piano Man" like that. As a Long Islander, I'm angry.
*Ace Young's character was treated to a truly heinous and ooky death. Awesome!
*Indeed, Zack (Eric Millegan) shared his secret to being "deceptively strong." And I now want to see how deceptively buff he is. I'd read that phrase on a spoiler site and thought it had to do with his singing abilities, which we knew Millegan possessed, but not Zack. More on that a few points down.
*I just love Dr. Brennan (Emily Deschanel). She's so straightforward and so unable to hide her feelings when they come out in her analysis. Like when she saw Booth (David Boreanaz) "ogling" a gym-goer: "That does not help the investigation."
*Can Brandon Rogers' character sing anything other than the "Pippin" song? Apparently not.
*Red Herring #1 is now butchering the Nickelback song that Ace Young sang just fine, and seemingly auditioning to be the next lead singer of Creed. I hate Creed. Red Herring #1 is so on my shitlist for the Billy Joel thing and the Creed-like behavior.
*Booth doesn't even need that "cocky" belt buckle. He can just throw his FBI weight around with people who have no idea how investigations work. Oh, Booth, please manipulate me any time you want.
*Holy heaven, is that Pam woman creepy.
*Zack Addy Sings! I could have written this scene. It played out exactly how I expected: Zack, out of nowhere, announces he was a singer as a child because his mother thought it would help him socialize. This was unsuccessful, but he won some commendations. And then he demonstrated by belting out "Love is a Many Splendored Thing," causing everyone within earshot (and that was quite a few, considering the acoustics and the good projection on the part of the singer) to wander on in with a "Who the fuck is that...? Holy crap!" face. And then back to work. Awesome. Loved it. Bravo, Eric Millegan!
*Heaven to betsy, is this Pam lady freaking me out! I don't even like guys giving me flowers, a culturally-accepted practice, let alone things meant to be worn on my person. I want to see Bones take her down.
*And she actually does! After Booth takes a bullet meant for her. Awwww...what a guy.

An appropriately shocking ending, even when some of us already know Booth lives, and, in fact, faked this shooting. What's driving me crazy is next week's season finale. The spoilers are so insane that I truly have no clue at all who the serial killer Gormagon is. And I honestly want to be surprised now.

And my next post on "Huffington Post" will be devoted to spoilers, and here's a spoiler about my post on spoilers: I have a quote from someone who knows what happens on the "Bones" season finale! So you will be able to read about how that feels. Hint: not that fun, but kinda fun.

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

"I will be totally, awesomely mature."

So, I missed a chance to write about last week's episode of "Bones" due to circumstances beyond my control, but that was just one of several of the funnier lines from "The Verdict in the Story." Tonight's episode is a little bit "American Idol"-centric, so I'm psyched to write about that one. Plus, according to the spoiler sites, some craaaaaazyass shit is going down, as well as some fun stuff.

In the meantime, I'm trying to fight off a cold that has settled in my throat, which means I've been sounding not unlike Elaine Stritch since last Thursday. ("I'll drink to that.") The good news is I'm probably an actual tenor at the moment instead of some imaginary range between an alto and a tenor.

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Monday, May 05, 2008

A comedy-writing fangirl's day is made.

So, all two of you will recall my recent dust-up with comedy writer Ken Levine, who has written for such classic sitcoms as "M.A.S.H.," "Cheers" and "Fraiser." To recap, Mr. Levine writes an "American Idol" post on "Huffington Post" every week. Two weeks ago, I'd kind of bugged out over all the Carly Smithson-tattoo remarks, as well as one remark made about David "Puppy" Archuleta. In response, nine people admonished me for having tattoos, but one person said I shouldn't be mean to Ken Levine. That bothered me - I wasn't trying to be mean to someone who had a career that I respected so much. So I emailed Mr. Levine to make it clear that he merely said something that irked me, and we both agreed to disagree and stand by our own comments. In a nutshell, we were actually on the same page, because much like text messaging, it is not always easy to tell when someone is being facetious in a digital format.

Anyway, I thanked Mr. Levine for his kind response, but couldn't resist asking more questions about his work in comedy. He was awesome enough to take time out of his busy schedule to answer them. Read his response here:

Your Q's, My A's on By Ken Levine

Thanks a bunch, Ken!

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Thursday, May 01, 2008

This actually happened.

Holy crap. I know I'm posting late on this, but Paula Abdul flipped her shit and apparently the ad wizards at "American Idol" didn't even bother trying to cover for it. I love it. It totally made up for the fact that it was Neil Diamond Night...zzzzzzzzz...Oh, god. Sorry. But now we get to watch Jason Castro be dumb as a basket of rocks for at least another week. Watch this douchebag with the shiteating grin beat out David Cook and end up competing with the David "Puppy" Archuleta to win this thing. I love it - "American Idol" officially lost its mind this season. And it can't even blame the writers' strike.

In other "This actually happened" news, the DC Madam "killed herself." In future "This actually happened" news, "Made of Honor" came in #1 at the box office.

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