"I love it when you two impersonate earthlings."

Doing absolutely nothing for my case of convincing my loved ones that my sanity is in tact after a "Bones"-centric spring and summer, I started rewatching Season 1. Holy crap, this is such a great show. It's almost frustrating, even aside from how Season 3 ended. Because "Bones" makes everything else on TV look like crap in comparison.

The script I've written for Operation: Zackplanation has been registered with the WGA and will be unleashed on the Interwebs August 27th, one week from Wednesday. In between will be an announcement on Searching Bones and a podcast soon after the release. Wendy and I will be letting you in on some information beforehand, but since we really want them read, we're not letting on too much. I've gotten excellent feedback from my friends on mine, and I've also read Wendy's - and they are insanely different! I really think fans of the show will be psyched for this.

Meanwhile, as I mentioned, I've been defending my mental state all summer. Yeah, I got so affected by a whackadoo storyline on a TV show that I spent my summer outlining, writing, rewriting, researching and - literally - going back to school to write this script. But I'm not gonna front - it's been fun.

And I'm so glad it's over.

Read more

Too tired/lazy to post them all: Blog-Off Wrap-Up

So, last night was the first night all week I got to come home after work. It felt amazing. I fell asleep before 11:00 PM and got to sleep until whenever I wanted. Which was about 9:00 AM this morning. Ahhhhhh...take it in. I'll share.

The Blog-Off seems to have went well! I had quite a few posts up there, and some people were kind enough to leave comments. I'll let you know how much money was raised for the Actor's Fund. And if "Bones" creator Hart Hanson read any of my ass-kissing love letters to him. My guess is no.

But since I'm too lazy to post the rest of my links, you can visit these links to read them on Searching Bones. And muchas gracias, merci, danke to Lynn, who runs the site and invited me to post!

The Egon Factor: Why I Love the Squints

"I'll Never Let Go, Zack! I'll Never Let Go!"

Bones and Booth: Don't Hook Them Up!

Homework for Season 4

Wendy and Jamie Concur: Hart Hanson Needs a Virtual Hug

Read more

Bones & Booth: Don't Hook Them Up!

Another helping from the Blog-Off, posted today.



And suddenly, a lot of people don't like me anymore.

Here is my rationale for not letting Brennan and Booth become a couple.

First of all, in TV land, it's storyline suicide. Look at "Moonlighting." Once that tension and chemistry was resolved, the show went downhill. A steep hill. It was a warning to "X-Files" creator Chris Carter, who smartly kept Mulder and Scully platonic throughout the series. (You guys may remember the "Bones" pilot, in which Booth cited plainly, "I'm Mulder, you're Scully." Take. This. To. Heart/Hart.) We already have Hodgins and Angela playing the Ross and Rachel roles of "will they, won't they," even though in their case it's a matter of "will they ever marry" and not "will they ever be together."

But we don't need more drama with these two. It's not unheard of to have platonic relationships between a man and a woman who find each other attractive, have great respect for each other, and clearly have a lot of chemistry. I know this, because I have a best guy friend. He's like my brother, except that we flirt. So, like a step-brother that you technically could hook up with, but it would be so wrong if you actually did. In TV land, the kiss from Season 3 was a great experiment. It was executed perfectly in the context of the show and the relationship between Bones and Booth. And sometimes, in real life, things happen between two people who swear they'd never hook up. But it doesn't always happen, and maybe that's what needs to be proven on TV. And I think "Bones" has just the right attitude and tone to maintain the platonic relationship between these two.

Besides the professional risks, I just don't see Bones and Booth as a couple. That doesn't mean that there is something missing in their relationship. The only thing that could be considered missing is that one extra step. But that step is just that: extra. It's a bonus. You may find someone with whom you have the greatest rapport, the most comfort, the most trust and the greatest mutual respect...but if you're satisfied with that, that's okay!

Take Hodgins and Angela, one of the most believable, organic TV workplace romances ever. They had a rapport, were comfortable with each other, trusted each other and respected each other...but they were also attracted to each other. I remember watching Seasons 1 and 2, knowing they would eventually hook up, and by the end of Season 1, it was clear that something was happening. It was something that worked between the actors, who'd made unconscious decisions for their characters that there was something else to be explored, and TJ Thyne and Michaela Conlin allowed it to happen - with a little help from the writers, of course - and so we got Hodgela. For me, I just don't see that with Emily Deschanel/Brennan and David Boreanaz/Booth. They have all the puzzle pieces to form a beautiful picture, but they don't really want to go so far as to glue it together and put it in a frame. The curiosity just isn't there. And they're okay with that. There is a different curiosity between them, but it isn't romantic. Booth wants Bones to allow herself more openness, express herself more. But Booth, a father and law enforcement official, is a nurturer, a helper and a fixer. Bones, at the core, is happy she has someone with whom she can be herself, as much as she can. But her purpose is more defined and concrete - she knows what she wants, even though she may not always feel it's right, she probably feels it's correct.

Could Bones and Booth go further? We're told that they will, but I really hope this isn't how they're addressing the lack of addressing Season 3's kiss. I hold out hope that Hart Hanson won't take the show in this direction and hook Bones and Booth up romantically. If they find themselves in a situation in which they need each other for a moment, that's one thing. We all do strange and wild things in the heat of the moment. (I've sure got my stories...) But I implore the writers - remember "The X-Files" like Chris Carter remembered "Moonlighting."

Read more

The Egon Factor: Why I Love the Squints

This was published today on the Blog-Off on Searching Bones. And remember to support the Actor's Fund!



While the rapport between Brennan and Booth are the main focus of "Bones," I came to an amazing realization a while back on why I actually prefer the squints. And it all came down to "Ghostbusters."

"Ghostbusters" and "Ghostbusters 2" have been my favorite movies, hands down, since I was about nine years old. That was when "Ghostbusters 2" was released, and it was one of the first movies I remember seeing in the theater and not being too young to appreciate. While most of the jokes went over my head, I developed an instant crush on one 'buster: Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis). Go ahead. Laugh. But I have always loved Egon. The glasses. The high hair. And the intellect. Rowr.

Fast forward to 2008 - holy crow, almost 20 years later???? - and I am infatuated with "Bones." I can't put my finger on precisely why. Temperence Brennan was a superbly written female lead. The Bones and Booth relationship was that of a screwball comedy. But something about Zack Addy and Jack Hodgins got me just a bit more than the hunky, snarky Booth.

I realized soon enough that it was because I was watching the respective reincarnations of Egon Spengler and Peter Venkman. Surely you see it, too: Egon and Zack are the logical, rational types with the million-dollar vernaculars and the infinite intellect. Venkman and Hodgins are also both supremely intelligent, with double doctorates, but unlike Egon and Zack know exactly how to use their brains to win over ladies. Egon was probably just like Zack in his younger days, socially awkward, but with a bunch of secret admirers who tried to send signals and failed to get past the Wall of Smart. Venkman and Hodgins, on the other hand, knew how to budget their smarts and instead used their positions and intelligence for what Egon and Zack would consider unproductive purposes.



But it's unnecessary to go into a deep character study (though I probably could, and could also probably charge a couple of Benjamins for an awesome term paper). Bottom line, you can easily hear lines spoken by Egon and Venkman coming out of Zack and Hodgins. Such as:

EGON: I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

VENKMAN: Nimble little minx, isn't she?

EGON: Sumerian, not Babylonian.
VENKMAN: Yeah, big difference.

VENKMAN: Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.

EGON: I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

VENKMAN: ...This reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
EGON: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

EGON: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

VENKMAN: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

EGON: We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.

[In response to Ray Stanz: "You think there's a connection between this Vigo character and the... slime?"]
EGON: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

I think the "Bones" writers must be 'busters fans too. Or maybe I just like both waaaay too much. Unfortunately, I can't figure out who Ray Stanz (Dan Aykroyd) could have been, though maybe he was the happy medium between Zack and Hodgins. But imagine my utter glee when the fourth Ghostbuster, Ernie Hudson started showing up as defense attorney David Barron on "Bones"! Not only was it exciting to see a Ghostbuster on my favorite show, but I officially had, sort of, one degree of separation:



Yup. Doesn't get much better than that. If "Bones" can get Aykroyd on the show somehow, I will be in nerd heaven.

Read more

"Dancing phalanges! Dancing phalanges!"

Tonight's "Bones" ("The Baby in the Bough") was, as I predicted, about eight kinds of cute. And also had me officially worshiping at the alter of Deschanel. I swear, Emily Deschanel was so good in this episode that I really won't be able to do her justice in my humble little blog. The woman makes acting look so easy and natural, totally effortless, and the way she has made her character grow over three seasons is just so awesome to watch. Temperence Brennan could probably be classified as a cold fish, but bring up family and things start warming up. Tonight it had her angry at someone, in their face. (And after an IMDb fact/face check, that face was that of Tom Wilson, who played Biff in "Back to the Future.") And in the end it had her welling up. Not crying like some diva looking for an award, just on the verge of showing emotion and holding it in to stay professional and at least trying to be impartial. Trying and kind of failing, but it's hard to not become attached to a baby for whom you've been caring, who ended up being taken care of right away instead of put through a questionable system (like she was). It was such a great performance.

Other fun things after the jump:

*Hodgins (TJ Thyne) indeed had a completely tactless method of turning Angela (Michaela Conlin) off wanting to have a baby - by telling her that he'll love her no matter how "mushy" or "wide" she gets. I was on the couch, icing my back after trying too hard at yoga three weeks ago then complicating matters last week by wearing heels around the city to see Emily's sister Zooey perform at Webster Hall. This made me actually sit up. I had to follow my eyebrows, which were trying to touch the ceiling. Oh, you nasty thing, Hodgins.

*As I said before: Nothing like good-looking men holding babies. David Boreanaz holding a baby, a little, round, smiley, roly-poly baby for nearly a whole episode was like a dream. It was kind of predictable, but I love watching Booth be a Daddy while Bones flounders. And I knew someone was going to get peed on, though I figured that one for my favorite clueless genius, which brings us to...

*Zack mistaking baby talk for orders. "No, no, no..." Click. Awww. Repressed memories? Oh, and nice beet story. It's like you were honestly trying to remember the last time your poop looked like that, and that's pretty damn funny. Zack never, ever gets it. Freaking love it. I sure hope he doesn't die. But if that means I might get to see Eric Millegan on Broadway, I'll consider it a deal.

*And next week: I hear there's a "shocking event," but I'm pretty sure it's not the one they showed in the preview. Why in the world would they do that? But Zack's line sounds extremely sinister out of context: "She knows we're out to destroy them." This is exactly the kind of line that ends up being funny. But we'll see - Hart Hanson seems to be full of surprises!

A last look at the Amazing Deschanels:

Read more

"He wasn't a goose. He was a man."

Tonight's "Bones" was actually recycled from last season, and here's my opinion: I want to see the original. It was called "Player Under Pressure," and it was originally going to run last April - right after the shootings at Virginia Tech. Of course, due to changes in storylines, facial hair and possibly regular haircuts, it had to be rejiggered to fit into Season 3.

My opinions on why I'm supremely disappointed about what's coming up on what I still contend is the "perfect show," despite its imperfections after the link, and a warning: possible spoilers follow.

Here is the original (April 2007) summary from tv.com:

All team members are working to identify the bones from a college athlete who suffered a lot of fractures. After the body is identified they talk to his sister and somebody who acted as a sort of an adviser for the deceased. Angela and Hodgins have an important talk. Zack is overwhelmed by having to reconstruct the crushed bones to form a skeleton.

The latter of the two plot points didn't happen, and were apparently replaced with what should have been an awkward situation between Angela (Michaela Conlin) and Cam (Tamara Taylor). Normally, I'd be a little freaked about my boss showing me a security video of me having sex. Angela seems to be A-OK. I know Angela's carefree and stuff, but honey...um...weird!

Obviously, the "important talk" was about Hodgins proposing to Angela (for the first time), which they've already resolved, so that was clearly in need of a fix. But what happened to Zack's storyline? Was the sex DVD awesome enough to overwhelm the minutes spent letting Eric Millegan finally do some acting this season? I don't know about that, but it points to the theory that made my heart hurt. (And it's ironic that the episode is, in fact, called "The Pain in the Heart.") I'll go into this more further down and continue with tonight's episode, for all three of you who might read this. Bottom line: there was an opening for a serious "King of the Lab" smackdown between the good Drs. Addy and Hodgins (TJ Thyne), and we were denied.

Anyway, this was an interesting story, and Booth (David Boreanaz) and Bones (Emily Deschanel) both made me laugh out loud. I love the fact that Booth is still hanging onto his macho, jockular youth and Bones very plainly tells him he's really no different than a caveman, what with his penchant for competition and practice battles. But she never does it to insult him, she's just stating anthropological fact based on her observations as a scientist. This is my favorite part about her character, and the other best time Bones ever drew conclusions like this was in "The Man in the Wall," when she was talking about how she loved the "tribal" nature of hip-hop music. Oh, silly white girl. I can so relate.

Other notes:

*As someone with a degree in Political Science from Hofstra University, as well as someone with a significant collection of tattoos (15), I was kind of insulted by this "not hot" "poli-sci tutor" who looked like she fell in flour and then sucked on a popsicle, then got freaky and tore her own hair out. Some of us wear blush and, I don't know, don't yank our own hair out.

*When I was in high school, I always thought it would be so macabre to discover a corpse behind the bleachers. They seemed dangerous, and kinda sick, but maybe this fascination came from getting mocked by jocks and being a big fan of "Scream."

*The girl who played the dead guy's girlfriend apparently went to the Renee Zellweger School of Acting, what with her blonde squintiness and whiny voice. I liked the fiancee of the other player/"Cutter" Cutler's daughter better. "I don't like you...I hate her."

*These boys and their meat. No, I'm not talking about Booth and his "Cocky" belt buckle. I'm talking about how Zack and Hodgins use meat products - actual pigs, Spam and now a turkey - to test how tissue reacts in certain situations. And this time, the turkey, like, popped. I've never seen that happen before. Fascinating.

*Heh, Booth said "Dippin' his wick."

*Come to think of it, Hodgins seemed to be as strangely unfazed by the discovery of his lunch hour supply closet tryst by his boss as his tryst-mate. What's with these people? Are they all really that close? Did the strike cause the producers and writers to have to gloss over a really wild, intimate night that they all had that would have explained why no one had any sort of look on their face upon knowing their boss saw them totally doing it? Am I just completely prude?

*Blending maggots+Cam's personal blender=Best ick face by Tamara Taylor ever. Millegan made a cute one during a body fluid discussion, but Tamara Taylor looked completely disgusted, confused and annoyed by the fact that her blender was labeled, damnit, and it still had fucking maggots in it. I like you now, Cam.

*On the subject of Virginia Tech, I suppose that a crime scene on a college campus would have seemed a bit wrong, especially two days after the shooting took place. Though the last scene was much more disturbing in the context of the shooting, when the person eventually revealed to be the criminal tried to turn a gun on himself. I was also thinking about the loss of the Washington Redskins' Sean Taylor, though that was obviously way after this episode was written. It was the right decision to pull it. Though I still think it was stupid to pull that "Buffy" episode after Columbine. It was snake demons! Come on!

Back to the speculation: I think I have some pretty good ideas about what could happen, and I'm preparing myself for it. And yes - I've become so attached to this show that I need to emotionally brace myself for something I've deduced from investigating online spoilers and putting Season 3 in perspective. Yeah, that's sarcasm. I will just say one thing: If Eric Millegan has decided to leave the show, or ended up being written off, then it was a real waste of a good character. I'll be really sad to not be able to watch this guy act, because I'm so curious about what else he's capable of. But if it means that he gets to find something where he does get to show his chops, all the better for him. But Zack Addy could have been a real fun character.

Read more

MySpace Greatest Hits: Why I'm Acting Again and an Addendum to the Last Post

Since I said I've saved my best posts for MySpace until actively trying to maintain this one, I thought I'd put up a recent 'Space post explaining why I've returned to the out-of-work entertainment industry. I'd link, but my profile is private.

And in a previous post, I begged a certain actor on "Bones" to assure me via email that he would be returning for Season 4, and he totally did. (Woah!) Well, he didn't tell me anything, but he did email me. At the risk of spoilage, I won't say who it was or what my concerns were, but understandably, he could not tell me very much, since that would likely get him in a bit of trouble. But if you want to read the same spoilers I did, get thee to Searching Bones. (Though, to be honest, it was not because he read this blog and responded. No one reads this thing. Not even my mother.)

But here is that post from April 8th. Context: It was written after a lackluster performance by yours truly. The People's Improv Theater in NYC is where I have produced and performed sketch comedy (not as much as I'd like), either with other sketch groups or through classes with the unbelievably hilarious and talented Kevin Allison. The Girly Girl Burleskapades was a weekly show featuring a host and a few comedy-burlesque/burlesque-comedy acts. This was my post-mortem after I hosted April 4th. I'm glad I was wearing a wig.

So, okay - not hosting material

Well, my short run with the Girly Girl Burleskapades is over, at least in the capacity as host. Why? Because frankly, I wasn’t good at it. I don’t think I’d go so far to say I bombed, or even tanked, but I definitely sucked. And please, don’t think I’m going around bashing myself or that this is some sort of self-esteem thing, because I can rock it onstage, trust me. I just don’t like talking to audiences.

Part of what I love about performing onstage is the separate world created on the actual stage, where the audience gets to pry into the business of fictionalized people, and actors get to play out scenes in raw, real time. I’ve never had the chance to do a real, red-meat scene, where the emotions would get so flared up that I and everyone onstage, and in the audience, all feel so freaking awkward like we just found out something monumental and life-changing and all the blood rushed into our ears at the same time. That whole feeling of "Should I, um, leave?...Oh, I guess I can’t" gets kinda screwed for me if I have to depend on an audience for a response as opposed to someone off of whom I’m acting. I hope I’ll get to do that one day.

I’m not saying "fuck you, audience," but you really cramp my style if I have to acknowledge your existence while I’m doing my thing. Please, just sit back and watch, laugh, cry, feel moved or awkward, and all in the dark, while I do the things to make you feel that way under the hot, unnatural lighting. (Which, by the way, makes it easier for me not to see you. No offense, but that’s what’s cool.)

As for film and TV acting (this is to my friends who direct me in such things), I still love that too, and fully plan on doing that as I venture out into the crazy acting world again. (Like an idiot.) Because let’s face it, who doesn’t want a second chance to really nail a scene? I will not complain for a second about doing 60 takes of something if it means that the 59th take was perfect and we got a really good goof on the 60th. (Who doesn’t love outtakes? [Note: I know - I'm obsessed with bloopers. I'll write about that another day.] ) And Sean, Mike and Pete, if you’re reading this and thinking I’m full of shit because of the "Jamie-sure-is-pissy" Ghouligans shoot recently, trust me - I’d do it again.

And you can still do a "red-meat" scene on film. It can be edited to show nuances in reactions, or it can be one long "I’m-freaked-but-I-can’t-look-away-is-this-really-happening" single take. I hope I’ll get to do that too. Shoot, I hope I’ll get to write a scene like that one day.

So, this is my thing now - I’m going to try acting again. I’ve attained a low-key job so I can get out of the house and build up some funds, and hopefully I’ll be taking classes this summer. [Note: I will be taking those classes - this was written pre-interview.]

...

I’ll keep everyone posted on PIT goings-on, but I urge everyone who can to check the place out and see shows! It’s cheap, sometimes even free, and it’s all original comedy!

Do it!

Read more

I read spoilers. Now my heart hurts.

As usual, I was on Searching Bones reading about the perfect show, and I was stupid enough to read spoilers. I have mixed opinions on spoilers, and there are some shows for which I refuse to read them. (Like "24" - won't read them.) But I read "Bones" spoilers, and since I allowed myself to become ridiculously invested in every single character on that show, I got really emotional at my desk this morning upon reading one of them.

I won't repeat it here, I'll just direct you to the article in question. And if the actor in question wants to shoot me a really quick note to inform me of their status next season, that would be really swell...

Read more