Friday, July 18, 2008

I have changed quite a bit since high school.

So, my acting class is getting interesting. Moving beyond just repeating each other, now we're adding activities, or rather very difficult tasks, that may direct our focus from our scene partners elsewhere. Last night, I was not the one performing the task; it was up to me to observe her behavior and respond. Except after doing it the typical way (with me coming into the scene with the intent to borrow an item), I was told (without my partner's knowledge) that not only did I loan her $100 (which she knew about), but she also boinked my (imaginary) boyfriend.

A digression: Having a boyfriend is so low on my priority list right now that I couldn't even come up with a guy's name, any guy's name, when asked "What's his name?" I honestly came up completely blank. So they decided on Jack for me. I'd like to think that in this little parallel, imaginary universe, my boyfriend was Jack Hodgins from "Bones." Years ago, I used to name imaginary boyfriends (in writing, lies, etc.) TJ after my first real, serious crush. Ironically, Josck Hodgins is played by TJ Thyne. And yet in my imaginary world, which I created myself, he still fucked me over.

Anyway, the scene got really heated. I've acted before, even though it was just a matter of knowing my lines and saying them with some semblance of feeling. But I know what it's like to get in a zone while performing. I've also been in one-acts that feature a lot of escalating tension which result in a bit of an outburst. But this was way beyond that. Five more minutes and I would have been crying, for real. My blood was boiling. Why? Because I got fucked over last summer. I wasn't cheated on as much as I was expediently replaced. By a skank. And I never got to yell at her. This scene was my chance to ring her figurative neck. It was awesome.

So thanks, asshole, for treating me like shit and seeing the skank. It will make for some really emotional acting for me.

ETA: Due to circumstances beyond my control (i.e., life), I wrote this one over the course of a couple of days, so my title doesn't make sense. I had meant to go into how shy I was in school, how much of a passive nerd I was then, and how I'm not one now. Point being, you grow up and learn to stop caring what other people think, and some of us grow up and want to provoke other people to feel certain things. That's why I'm a writer and why I'm trying to be an actress. I hope I'll get to do both, but right now, I'm glad I'm the person I'd wanted to be ten years ago. (For the most part.) Peace.

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